Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack
by John Michaels
Summary: Welcome to the world of Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack where the alcohol is drained by Sora, the drugs are sold by Riku, the bondage is performed by Kairi, and all the other characters are getting into some sort of mischief. Chapter 14:Last Chappie
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts 2 wish I did, but sadly I don't

Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack

Chapter 1: Every Story Has to Start Somewhere

Sora awoke on the street, his head hurt really bad. He had started drinking very heavily the night before. He didn't have anything to do after he had helped sealed Kingdom Hearts for the second and hopefully the final time. He looked around and found Riku walking around with his trenchcoat selling his merchandise. He walked around very meekly and very paranoid. His profession made him very nervous.

"Yo Riku help me up!" said Sora as he shook his head, which wasn't helping much.

"Man, did you get drunk again last night? This has to stop!" said Riku as he helped up Sora.

"Whatever...I'm so damn depressed! There's nothing out there for me anymore!" bellowed Sora.

"Well, stop wasting your life around alcohol and buy some stuff from me!" said Riku trying to make a profit.

"No thanks, I'll just take a swig from my private stash," said Sora as he pulled out a private flask and took drink. He immideately passed out and Kairi came out from the bushes and ran over to him.

"You didn't see anything..." said Kairi as she dragged off Sora.

"Won't you ever learn, he doesn't want you anymore..." said Riku as he saw a cop in the corner in his eye,"Uh, gotta go!"

---

Sora woke up and he was chained to a bed. Kairi was standing next to the bed in a skimpy outfit that was revealing a lot of skin. She held a whip in her hand as she began to undress Sora slowly...

---

Axel was a mailman and he did his job better than anyone else. He was hardworking diligent and incredibly close to his clients. He looked at all the mail he had to deliver by the end of that day, it wasn't all that much. "Another route, another paycheck," said Axel as he walked up the street in his black robe staring at Riku's mom. She was a beautiful woman, I mean, Riku had to get it from somewhere right?

"Hello Axel, do you have anything for me?" asked Riku's mom.

"Oh yes I do. He's in my pants..." said Axel in a seductive voice.

"Oh my Axel...I didn't think you were so forward!" said Riku's mother as she covered her face with her hands.

"My dear, don't worry. I'm very gentle," said Axel as he stroked her face.

"Oh my," said Riku's mother as she became flustered.

"Come inside, you look a bit flustered," said Axel as he led Riku's mother inside the house.

---

Roxas, Wakka, and Tidus walked down the streets tossing newspapers. They were the paperboy trio of the island. They made sure the people got the hardhitting news that they crave. They took to the streets pretty late to get the evening news out before nightfall.

"Stupid printing company, why can't they get it out before 7 ya?" said Wakka with an annoyed tone in his voice.

"Maybe the same reason the mail people get the mail out late to people," said Tidus as he yawned. Their job called for them to deliver the papers before nine o' clock.

"Look you guys! If we don't do this for the people, they'll never get their news and won't you feel bad to know that they didn't get the only small part of their lives that we can give them? And besides, I need the money to pay for the kids food. They don't come cheap you know," said Roxas with desperation in his voice. He was struggling so hard to make ends meet, he didn't mean to get Naminé pregnant it kinda just happened.

Then, they saw Selphie on the corner selling her 'product' to anyone that would want it. She looked so slutty in all that leather that revealed so much skin. She was pretty much Kairi's disciple.

"Hey you guys! Any of you want any?" said Selphie in a very seductive voice.

"Oh sorry Selph, me fresh out of cold cash ya..." said Waka as he took out a small container and dumped some of the contents onto his hand which he proceeded to snort.

"I'd love to Selph but you remember what happened last time..." said Tidus as he held his genitals.

Roxas dug into his back pocket and pulled out a five dollar bill,"Is this enough?"

"That'll do fine for an hour sweetie," said Selphie as she led Roxas away gently by the hand.

---

Sora left Kairi's house barely able to walk. He never thought she'd do something like that to him. His head wasn't spinning anymore, why would it be after the immense amount of pleasure she had tried to give him? Sora walked away slowly, barely moving anywhere with his tiny steps. She had really done a number on him and he gave up struggling half way through. He looked up and saw Axel coming out of Riku's house with a look of great satisfaction on his face. Sora dumped his flask and walked over to Axel.

"Hey Axel, any mail for me?" asked Sora as he stared at Axel. Sora always knew that there was something not quite right about Axel.

"Oh yes sweet stuff..." said Axel as he dug into his bag and pulled out a letter with the king's seal on it.

"Is that?" he was cut short by Axel putting the letter away.

"If you want the letter... You'll do as I say Sora..." said Axel as he looked at Sora seductively.

"Oh really?" said Sora as he gave Axel as stiff kick to the balls. Axel groaned in pain as he doubled over in pain. Sora ran over to Axel and took the letter from him. He ran all the way home wondering what the letter could say...

To Be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Note: Hello everyone and I'm sorry that this second chapter is so late, but here it is. I don't own Kingdom Hearts 2

Kingdom Hearts On Crack

Chapter 2: Letters, Cheating, Betrayal Oh My!

Sora got back home panting and short of breath but he had the letter. The lightheaded feeling was gone and the only thing on his mind was the letter. He tore it open and pulled out a single sheet of paper. It read:

_Dear Sora,_

_I'm sorry to tell you that you are no longer the keyblade master. You have proven to be very irresponsible and that you aren't mature enough to handle a job as delicate as this one. I have replaced you with someone that is more capable at the job. I hope that you take this okay and that you don't do anything foolish. Well, I'm very busy and I have some things to do so I'll cut this letter short._

_Sincerely Yours,_

_King Mickey_

Sora couldn't believe it, he was actually out of a job. He tried to summon the keyblade, but surely enough it wouldn't materialize in his hand. "What the hell?" said Sora as he got on his knees. He couldn't believe that he had actually lost his job. "What chump did they replace me with?" Sora asked himself as he heard a familiar voice faintly shout something.

"OH HELL YEAH! I'M FINALLY THE DAMN KEYBLADE MASTER! I GOT SKILLS! TAKE THAT SORA YOU DAMN PANSY!" said Squall Leonheart from his home on Radiant Garden. He was jumping around singing and doing a victory dance as he swung around his very own keyblade.

"Must've been the wind..." said Sora as he got up and walked out the door. He was depressed now and the bar was sounding like the place to be. It was going to be a long day...

Roxas finished after blowing 20 dollars on Selphie. This had to be the fourth time that week that he had spent that much on Selphie, Naminé was starting to suspect. He got back home and found Naminé in the living room. They owned a pretty spacious home with two floors. They needed lots of space for the two children: Raso and Rikai. He didn't mean to get Naminé pregnant, it kind of just happened on one of those nights they were together. He really did care for Naminé and his children, but he couldn't support her right now. In his depression he spends his money carelessly and that's his problem in a nutshell.

"Where have you been?" asked Naminé with a stern look on her face.

"Working..." lied Roxas.

"No you weren't, you were having sex with Selphie!" cried Naminé.

"No I wasn't..." said Roxas, he knew she knew but he was trying a bad tactic.

"Tidus told me," said Naminé.

"Damn..." said Roxas as he walked over to a chair that was near him and sat down.

"Why would you do something like that? Don't you love me anymore? Don't you love your children?" asked Naminé as tears began to stream down her face.

"...I still love you and our two children, besides I don't love Selphie...it's only sex," said Roxas. Naminé slapped Roxas accross the face.

"How could you? I'm here taking care of your children and you're out with another woman. That's really responsible of you Roxas," said Naminé as she ran upstairs, to check on the children no doubt. He sat there for about ten mintues and she didn't come back downstairs. He went upstairs to check up on her. The children's room door was open and so was the window.

"Damn..." said Roxas as he went downstairs, this wouldn't end well.

Naminé walked quickly in the night air. She held the younger Raso in her arms in a blanket. Rikai was jogging to keep up with her mother. She was on the outskirts of the town when she ran into someone.

"Careful Naminé," said a male voice. Naminé hugged the person, she knew all too well who it was.

"I ran away, I don't even want to look at him now," said Naminé as tears streamed down her face.

"It's okay Naminé, I'm here with you now," said Riku. He had been the source of Naminé's rebellion and investigation. Riku was the one she had spent her restless nights with.

"I know, take me with you Riku," said Naminé as she looked into Riku's eyes. Her face was shiny with tears, he wiped the tears away.

"I'd love to Naminé. I'll take your pain away and help you forget Roxas," said Riku as he the full moon shone above. Naminé looked into Riku's eyes and kissed him. He didn't fight it, afterall he had kissed her in other places too that are better not mentioned. The moment was broken by Rikai who was getting very cold. "Mommy! I'm cold!" she yelled as she tugged on her mother's shirt.

"Ok sweetie, let's get you someplace warm," said Naminé as Riku picked her up.

"Come on, my house isn't too far from here," said Riku as he began to lead them to the town.

"Riku...thank you," said Naminé as she kissed Riku once more.

"No problem, I want to help you and your family out," said Riku as he began to walk towards the town,"Crap...cops..run!"

To Be Continued...


	3. Chapter 3

Hello everyone welcome to chapter three and all of it's randomness. I hope you guys enjoy this part. Oh yeah, did the owner of Kingdom Hearts 2 accept, cuz I still don't own Kingdom Heart's 2...

Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack

Chapter 3: Organization XIII?

Most of Organization XIII managed to escape just before Sora did them in. There were very few of them left and one of them had already betrayed them. "What do we do now?" asked Demyx as he paced around the small room slowly. They were hiding out on a small dark planet.  
"We make Sora suffer that's what!" said Saix as he faced Demyx.  
"How do we do that?" asked Luxord as he shuffled a deck of cards, then fumbled them,"52 card pick up anyone?"  
"We kidnap his slutty girlfriend Kairi!" bellowed Saix.  
"Great, sensational! But where the hell do they live?" asked Marluxia, he noticed his hair was out of order and began to fix it.  
"I vaguely recall something like: Disney Islands…"said Saix as he tried to remembe  
"Disney Islands? Does it have a casino?" asked Luxord with a gleam in his eyes.  
"How the hell should I know?" said Saix with irritation in his voice.  
"Look it up in the Intergalactic Directory!" said Demyx as he held up a thick book. Everyone in the room stared at him, he had actually said something smart for a change.  
"Okay, how does my hair look?" asked Marluxia as he smiled and posed.  
"Like you're gay…" said Luxord as he tossed dice up and down.  
Marluxia giggled, "Thanks!" Luxord rolled his eyes; he forgot that Marluxia was 'on the other team'.

---Elsewhere---

Sora was drunk, even more so than he was earlier. He had had so many drinks that the other customers were starting to worry about a 15 year old drinking like that. He didn't care though, he had lost his keyblade; the only item he had in his possession that he valued more than anything. He had been replaced so easily by probably someone that could never match up to his skills.

---Radiant Garden---

"Hey guess what Yuffie?" Leon asked Yuffie.  
"What?" she asked as she noticed he was very excited about something.  
"I'm the new keyblade master!" said Leon loudly as he made it materialize and began to dance around Yuffie.  
"That's nice…I guess," said Yuffie as she tried to leave, but Leon grabbed her arm and they were dancing.  
"I knew I'd become the keyblade master one day!" said Leon as she let go of Yuffie and did a twirl, knocking Yuffie out with the keyblade in the process.

---Back with Sora---

Sora suddenly had an idea; he would murder the new keyblade master. He would make sure that if he couldn't be the keyblade master that no one would be able to. This idea probably came to him because he was under the influence of ethanol or he was just plain determined. He got up, "Pass down Vodka shots and keep 'em coming!" yelled Sora as the bartender began to pass down the shot glasses.  
"Why are you drinking so fast Sora? Slow down!" advised the bartender.  
"You would drink these fast too if you didn't have enough money to pay for them," said Sora as he darted out of the bar.  
"Dammit, that's the third time today…" said the barkeeper as he began to take up the shot glasses. Sora ran out of the bar still dizzy, but very quickly. He ran as fast as he could, he didn't want to get caught. That's when he ran into a sign that was placed on the side of the road. "Who put that frickin sign there?" Sora asked himself as he looked at the sign. It read: RANDOM PLOTHOLE AHEAD! DO NOT JUMP INTO PLOTHOLE! Sora stared at the sign for a second, the ethanol still had a good grip over his mind. "I'm going to walk around it..." said Sora as he walked around the plothole, when he tripped on his shoelaces and fell inside.  
When Sora awoke he found himself on the floor in a world he recognized. He was in Radiant Garden. "How in the hell did I get here?" Sora asked himself. He remembered the last thing he saw: Paupau Vodka. "Nevermind, I have a feeling that keyblade master is around here somewhere! And I'm gonna put an end to his reign over the keyblade!" said Sora as he held up a fist...

To Be Continued...


	4. Chapter 4

Yo dudes! Sorry this one took a while to post, but I've been rather busy. In any case, welcome to another installment of Kingdom Hearts 2 on Crack! Enjoy! Oh, and that owner hasn't called me or anything and I need help localizing him, cuz I don't own Kingdom Hearts 2.

Kingdom Hearts 2

Chapter 4: Radiant Garden

Aeris was selling her flowers on the corner. She felt the duty to seel something precious to the people. Sephiroth stood behind her with a dark look on his. "Aeris," he said ominously as she turned around stiffly.

"Sephiroth! W-what a pleasant suprise...flower?" said Aeris nervously as she offered him a flower.

"No thank you...I need to tell you something..." said Sephiroth with an ever darker look on his face.

"Um...go ahead..."said Aeris, she was kind of curious.

"Can you ever forgive me for killing you!" said Sephiroth as he began to cry on Aeris's shoulder.

"Of course I can..." said Aeris as she patted him on the back.

Sora walked past this scene and shuddered, Shephiroth crying? He walked down the street, until he ended up at Merlin's place. There was no one there, but the place looked a mess. "They must've been attacked by something..." said Sora as he began to poke around the house. The person did a number on the house.

"If you're looking for someone, they're not here," said a voice from behind.

"Yeah, they left somewhere..." said another voice. Sora turned around and faced Y.R.P trio.

"Where did they go?" asked Sora as he noticed they were each carrying a shoe.

"We don't know...go look for them..." said Paine as she dropped her shoe.

"What's up with the shoe?" asked Sora.

"We steal people's left shoes now and give them back for a price!" said Rikku with a smile on her face.

"You have some nice shoes actually..." said Yuna as they all began to stare at Sora's shoes.

"Hey look treasure!" yelled Sora as he pointed to the corner of the room.

"Where!" bellowed all of the girls as they turned to the corner, it was empty of course. They turned around and Sora was out the door.

---Dark Depths---

"EVERYONE OUT THERE! HEAR ME BECAUSE I AM THE NEW KEYBLADE MASTER! BOW DOWN TO MY POWER!" yelled Leon as the new keyblade took over his ego. He swung it around with grace and power as he showed it off to anyone that wanted to see. He didn't know why, but he felt like after getting the keyblade that that was the most important thing.

---Radiant Garden---

Sora followed the path to the Dark Depths. A strange feeling in his mind (that wasn't alcohol for the first time in his life) was telling him to go there and that's where he would find his ultimate prize. He followed the path quickly, until he reached the spot where Leon was shouting like he was an idiot. "DOES ANYONE WANT TO CHALLENGE THE GREAT SQUALL LEONHEART!" shouted Leon as he swung the keyblade around a little more.

"Me!" yelled Sora as Leon spotted him.

"Sora? How did you get here? It doesn't matter, you're nothing without the keyblade you little pansy!" said Leon with a smile on his face. There was no way he could lose, he had the keyblade afterall.

"Oh yeah? Watch me!" said Sora as he ran towards Leon with a small package in his hands. Leon got ready for Sora's attack, when Sora threw the little package on the ground near them and they were suddenly on a battle screen.

"What?" said Leon as he looked around. The arena had been streched and their stats were in the corner of his vision.

"I've transformed this battle into an RPG battle!" said Sora with a smirk on his face.

"What the hell? Why?" bellowed Leon. He felt like Sora had something up his sleeve if he went to all the trouble to making this an RPG battle.

"I don't have a weapon! How the hell do you expect me to beat you in an action RPG style fight?" said Sora.

"Oh...I knew you could never beat me in a real fight!" yelled Leon as he tried to attack. He couldn't, his ATB wasn't full yet.

Sora ran up to Leon and punched him, a large 56 appeared above Leon's head. Leon saw his ATB get full and attacked. Just when he was going to attack, Sora moved out the way and the words MISS appeared above Sora's head.

Leon Sora  
HP: 444 HP: 120  
MP: 500 MP: 140  
Sora's ATB filled up and the menu opened up for him. He then remembered something that he had brought from home. He took out his flask and used it on Leon. He turned green and he began to wobble. Leon didn't know what was wrong, but his ATB filled up and he tried to attack. And again Sora managed to dodge as the words MISS apppeared above his head again.  
Leon Sora  
HP: 412 HP: 120  
MP: 500 MP: 500

Drunk

"Damn you! Getting me drunk and shit!" cursed Leon as he tried to get steady but couldn't.

"I guess I'm just too smart for you!" said Sora as he opened up his magic menu..he had just the spell to end the fight...

To Be Continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Hello folks! The insanity has just begun again as I place another installment of my series. I hope you guys are enjoying this one. Well, I finally got a call from the guy that owned Kingdom Hearts 2 and I asked him if I could get the game for six bucks. Well...you can guess what he said. All in all, I STILL don't own Kingdom Hearts 2.

Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack

Chapter 5: Road Trip

Organization V was looking at the directory as they desperately searched for the "Disney Islands" so that they could commence their plan. There were no such islands in the directory, but the Disney Castle was there. "Are you sure they lived on an island because there are no Disney Islands," said Demyx a bit annoyed.

"Well, I told you that's what I remember! I've never been there!" said Saix as his blood began to boil. He had anger problems and he lashed out at other people. He took anger management for about two sessions and he never did again. I mean you can't when you're teacher is dead and no one else wants to take the job because of you.

"Well get a better memory then!" said Demyx, big mistake.

"You know what you little water punk?" said Saix with rage in his voice, "I'm gonna kill your ass!" Demyx knew what was coming next...

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb!" sang Demyx.

"Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow!" said Saix as he calmed down, "I hate you and that song!"

"Let's stop fighting and find those stupid islands already so we can fulfill our destiny!" said Luxord as he made cards appear then disappear from his hand.

"Destiny? Wait...try destiny islands!" said Marluxia as he messed with his hair a little more. Demyx checked the book and surely enough it was there, the Destiny Islands.

"Wow, it's a long way from here. How do we plan on getting there?" asked Demyx.

"Road trip!" yelled Marluxia in a dreamy voice.

"I guess we have no choice... Road trip it is..." said Saix as he slapped his forehead, he was going to regret this.

"This won't end well," thought Luxord as he dropped the deck, "52 card..."

"Shut it!" said Saix as he walked out of the room to get a bigger room to use their dark portals.

---Radiant Garden---

Sora and Leon were still locked in a final battle that would determine the fate of the keyblade. Sora, weaponless transformed the battle into an RPG type fight to turn the tables in his favor.

Leon Sora

HP: 412 HP: 120

MP: 500 MP: 140  
Drunk

Sora opened up his magic menu and entered a cheat code! Suddenly, the word Supernova appeared on his magic list. "All magic eh? Whatever..." said Sora as he cast the spell.

"Sweet mother of Jefferson Davis! Flee!" said Leon as he opened up his command menu and selected flee. He was almost there, when it was too late. Sora's magic ATB filled up and allowed him to use Supernova. The detailed cinematic went by and did a whopping 345 damage to Leon; also giving him many status ailments.

Leon Sora  
HP: 67 HP: 120  
MP: 500 MP: 140  
Drunk  
Blind  
Mini  
Toad  
Berserk  
Death  
Slow  
Stop  
Poison  
Defense 1  
A whole lot of other crap  
Basically he's screwed...

---On the Dark Planet---

"Are we ready?" asked Saix as they stood outside.

"Born ready!" said Demyx ironically.

"Ready to play some games alright!" said Luxord.

"Oh really? I'd love to play some games with you Luxord..." said Marluxia as he giggled. Luxord looked at Marluxia with disgust, why did they have such a perverted member on their side? "Why couldn't it be a perverted girl?" thought Luxord.

"Alright, let's go!" said Saix as they all summoned dark portals to take them to the Destiny Islands. They all entered their portals and found themsleves in the world in between.

There, they found a random car that would take them to their destination. "If Saix is driving I ain't going nowhere!" said Demyx as he stood back.

"Same here!" said Luxord as he took the driver's seat, "I'm driving!"

"I love it when a man takes command," said Marluxia as he stared at Luxord with dreamy eyes.

"Either you can it or we leave you here!" said Luxord as he glared at Marluxia, why wouldn't he leave him alone?

"Fine, I'll be a good boy. Or I could be naughty so you can spank me..." said Marluxia as he giggled.

"That does it! Everyone else in the car!" said Luxord as he fired up the engine.

"I'm sorry! I just had to say it! Please take me with you!" said Marluxia, he looked genuinely sorry.

"Fine, just can it!" said Luxord as Marluxia got in the car, "This is gonna be one long ass drive..."

To Be Continued...


	6. Chapter 6

I see some of us are really enjoying my series and that makes me really glad! Alright, here's the next part for your reading pleasure. I don't own Kingdom Hearts 2...but maybe someday after my lawyers get their butts in gear I will!

Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack

Chapter 6: New Organization Members?

Leon was at his wit's end, he was torn by so many status ailments that he couldn't win this fight. Then, he noticed something in the corner of his eye. "Wait, if I have the death ailment how am I still alive?" asked Leon. Then, he keeled over and his HP dropped to zero in an instant. As Leon fell he dropped the keyblade, which Sora ran for immideately. He almost had it in his hand, when a random plothole appeared before him. He stopped to stare when something came out of the plothole. It was Captain Jack Sparrow.

"The keyblade! It's mine now savvy?" said Sparrow as he picked up the keyblade. It didn't vanish, but he was able to hold on to it. "Me own keyblade! Now no man or pirate'll be able to stand up to me now!" said Sparrow as he swung the keyblade around with skill. Sora didn't know what just happened, but someone had just taken possession of his keyblade again and the bastard must die!

"Drop it Sparrow or I'll kill you you hear?" said Sora as he shook a fist menacingly.

"You're in no position to make threats mate! I have the keyblade!" said Sparrow, he had a good point. Sora didn't care, he needed to get his keyblade back and he didn't care the odds of him getting back.

---Somewhere in the Vast Universe---

Somewhere in the vast universe, there were two nobodies that hadn't been eradicated. Two nobodies that were denied entry into Organization XIII, but now had a second chance. Their names were Pirixforo and Arxidroc. "Xemnas is no more and most of the Organization is gone, but where they went is a mystery," said Pirixforo.

"Yes, they were supposed to be here in the dark planet, but apparently they decided to leave..." said Arxidroc as he wondered where they could've gone.

"Where they are is irrelevant, we'll have to destroy Sora without their help..." said Pirixforo.

"Don't worry Pirix, they'll have a lot to deal with just fighting you and me!" said Arxidroc as they proceeded to open their own dark portals. They went inside and followed a call they had in their heads. They somehow knew where Sora was and they would fulfill their plan to destroy him.

"What happens after we destroy Sora Arxidroc? I haven't thought about what would happen then..." said Pirixforo.

"I don't know Pirix, we'll find something to do... I mean there are plenty of strip joints and stuff out there!" said Arxidroc as he continued to walk through the world in between.

---Radiant Garden---

Sora stared at his new adversary, he had somehow gotten hold of the keyblade and he wouldn't live to savor it. He didn't have anymore items to make the battle an RPG, so he knew that he had to retreat for now. "This isn't over!" said Sora as he ran back the Radiant Garden and hit the tavern. He hadn't had any alcohol in a while and he wasted his flask on Leon. He seriously wanted the keyblade back and didn't like the thought of other people with his keyblade in their possession.

He arrived into town and looked around. He looked for the hidden bar that you have to look especially hard for in this town. He spotted it and ran towards it. He arrived and looked around for someone that would object to him going into the bar. He was underage of afterall. After not seeing any guards, Sora proceeded into the bar and went to the table to get his drink. He noticed some familiar faces in the bar. There was Cloud in the corner who was accompanied by Tifa and Yuffie. "Pimp..." thought Sora to himself as he asked the bartender for some Paupau Vodka which they had scarce amounts of. Sora took a seat near where Cloud was seated and began eavesdropping on what they were saying.

"It's been some really tough times, but isn't it time you settled down Cloud and thought of having a family?" asked Tifa.

"I guess..." said Cloud.

"Cloud ain't father material!" said Yuffie, she was a tipsy from the sounds of things.

"Says who?" said Cloud in a slightly irritated voice.

"Says me!" said Yuffie.

"Oh don't say that! I'm sure Cloud would make a great father!" said Tifa trying to reassure him.

"Well then...I guess I have to make my move..." said Cloud as he stood up, "I have something to say.." Cloud was staring at Tifa and had a look in his eye that either of them had never seen before.

"What is it Cloud?" asked Yuffie.

"I love you Yuffie!" said Cloud as he hugged Yuffie. Sora spit out his drink at this point, that was way over the line! Sora looked back at the trio and saw the reactions to Cloud's confession. Tifa was staring like she was going to die or something. Yuffie had an odd gleam in her eye...

"You can go to hell Cloud!" said Yuffie as she ran out of the bar. Sora took a deep breath, at least Yuffie isn't crazy.

Yuffie ran outside and started crying, she didn't know why she said that Cloud when she really loved him. From all of their exploits together, including their little date on the Golden Saucer. She had fallen for him, but never had any time to really talk to Cloud. "I love you too Cloud..." said Yuffie as she walked back to Merlin's place...

To Be Continued...


	7. Chapter 7

Since you guys are enjoying this one so much I decided to finish this one up and post it early. Here it is folks the next chapter, a bit serious, but with a tad bit of action. Oh and my lawyers decided to laugh at me... Well, in that case I'll have to find another way...cuz I don't and don't know if I ever will own Kingdom Hearts 2.

Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack

Chapter 7: What about Roxas!

Roxas was very worried about Naminé, she hadn't been home in about three days. Naminé had never gotten this mad and Roxas didn't know how to react to the situation. He desperately went out looking for them during his routes, but she hid herself well. She definitely didn't want to be found by Roxas.

"Where are you?" asked Roxas as walked past Riku on his route. Riku glared at Roxas even though he couldn't see him doing it. Roxas had caused Naminé so much pain, and he wanted nothing more than to make him suffer.

"Yo Riku! You got some stuff for me ya?" asked Wakka as he approached Riku.

"Yeah...you got the money?" asked Riku as he searched the many pockets of his trenchcoat.

"Of course man! The deal is the most important part ya?" said Wakka as he handed Riku the money in exchange for the 'stuff'.

"Nice doing business with you," said Riku as he proceeded to walk away.

"Same here ya!" said Wakka as he ran off quickly.

---Riku's Hideout---

Naminé was very comfortable living with Riku in his house. Even though he was a drugdealer, he was very responsible and knew how to treat a lady. Rikai was sleeping on her lap after she had cried about missing her father. Raso was very calm and was asleep on Riku's bed. She didn't want him to lay there, considering what Naminé had done there the night before. Riku came back from selling his products and greeted everyone like he normally did: with hugs and smiles, unlike Roxas.

"How was business?" asked Naminé as she took his coat and kissed him softly.

"Good, Wakka bought his usual rounds and I made a bundle off of some guys on the northern side of the island..." said Riku, "Oh and I saw Roxas today... Are you sure you don't want to talk to him?"

"I'm sure, he's nobody to me anymore," said Naminé ironically, as Riku tried to supress a laugh but failed. "What's so funny?"

"You said he's nobody to you anymore, when ironically he's a nobody..." said Riku as he continued to laugh. Naminé started to laugh herself, she didn't realize how ironic it could be to use the word nobody.

---The Musky Paupau---

"I got my rounds from Riku ya, he's such a great guy!" said Wakka as he took a snort from his stuff.

"Take it easy Wakka, you want to be able to enjoy all of it don't you?" said Tidus half jokingly and half serious, he didn't like his friend's addiction.

"Have you heard the rumors? Naminé left Roxas because of all his sleeping around with Selphie!" said Wakka with some slur to his words.

"Really?" said Tidus as he became interested in the coversation.

"Yeah, cuz Roxas shouldn't be doing stuff like that! But know what else I heard? That Naminé was having an affair with Riku ya!" said Wakka as he took another random snort.

"Damn, that's some really powerful stuff right there! I hope Roxas doesn't find out because if he does he's gonna..." Tidus was cut short by the door violently slamming behind a very angry customer that had just left... "You don't think...Damn, poor Riku..." said Tidus as he looked at Wakka.

Roxas was pissed, he was going to kill Riku for sleeping with Naminé. But then, he thought about it...wasn't he doing the exact same thing with Selphie? But he didn't love Selphie, he only did it because he was frustrated. He suddenly felt something in his hands, it was his two keyblades, the Oathkeeper and the Oblivion. "What the..." said Roxas as he swung the keyblades around. He began to run around the city searching for Riku everywhere. "Riku! Come out here and face me!"

Riku awoke in the middle of the night at the sound of someone yelling his name. The voice sounded very familiar, then he realized that it was Roxas's voice. "Come out here and face me Riku!" yelled Roxas outside, his voice sounded close. Riku decided to check out what all of that was about and slipped out of bed. Naminé was asleep and didn't notice Riku slipping out of bed. He put on a shirt and went outside to follow Roxas's screams.

"Riku!" yelled Roxas as he swung around his keyblades breaking bottles and windows in the process.

"What do you want?" asked Riku when they were far enough from his hideout.

"Give me back Naminé and don't deny that you have her because I know you do!" said Roxas as he gripped the handles of his keyblades.

"She's at my place because she wants to get away from you! Don't you understand? Leave her alone already!" said Riku as he made his own keyblade appear.

"I need to tell her something! Are you going to take me to where she is or am I going to have to beat you again and force you to?" said Roxas as he got angry.

"You can go to hell Roxas..." said Riku as he held up his keyblade.

"Have it your way then!" said Roxas as he charged at Riku...

To Be Continued...


	8. Chapter 8

Hello everyone and welcome back. Glad to see that a lot of you are enjoying this and that you're eager to see more. Well, here's the next installment and I hope you guys enjoy this part too. I finally gave up, cuz I was like,"can i get Kingdom Hearts 2 for ten bucks?" and they said," No, but you can get the hell out..." so yeah...I don't own Kingdom Hearts 2.

Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack

Chapter 8: Got it Memorized?

Organization V arrived where they needed to and got out of their random car. They walked through a portal next to the car and found themselves on the Destiny Islands. "This place is nice!" said Demyx as he looked around.

"Screw what it looks like! We're here to find Kairi!" said Saix, he was very annoyed after the drive. Marluxia and Demyx were being especially annoying on the way there.

---Random Flashback---

"One million bottles of beer on the wall, one million bottles of beer!" sang Marluxia, he was bored.

"Shut up will you?" said Saix with an annoyed tone.

"You don't say?" said Marluxia.

"I did say!" said Demyx.

"What did you say?" asked Marluxia.

"You don't say?" said Demyx.

"I did say!" said Marluxia.

"What did you say?" asked Demyx.

"You don't say!" replied Marluxia... and that went on for about three hours. Saix wanted to kill them so bad, but they kept singing him Mary had a Little Lamb to calm him down.

---Destiny Islands---

"She's bound to be around here somewhere..." said Luxord as he looked at the houses nearby.

"Come on, we can't waste any time!" said Saix as he proceeded towards the town.

"I like it when..." Marluxia was cut short by Luxord.

"SHUT UP!" bellowed Luxord, he pretty much had Marluxia's possible sayings memorized.

"Got it memorized?" said a voice from behind them.

"Yes I've got it...Axel?" said Luxord as he turned around and saw Axel.

"Fancy meeting you all here," said Axel as he looked at the mail that was still left to deliver.

"What the hell are you doing here Axel?" asked Saix as he stared at Axel. An old fury was beginning to explode inside him. It all started when Axel ate Saix's cookies. He baked them himself and went to grab a glass of milk when he came back and found them all gone. Axel was there with a smile on his face and said, "Those cookies were good! You shouldn't have gone through so much trouble for me Saix!" Saix lost it and went berserk, but Axel managed to get away and said, "I want milk next time! Got it memorized?" that was the first time Axel said that phrase. And everytime he would tease Saix he would ask him if he had it memorized and he eventually decided to use it on everyone!

"I'm the mailman on this island!" said Axel as he stared at Marluxia. Marluxia stared back with dreamy eyes and blew him a kiss. Axel winked and looked at Luxord that had a look on his face that suggested he was disgusted at their actions.

"I'm gonna pretend none of that happened! Do you know where Kairi lives?" asked Luxord as he took out a deck of cards.

"Yeah, she lives in the town. She lives in the little house on the corner of Sandy Street. There's always a prostitute right next to her house so you can't miss it!" said Axel as he walked towards the city.

"Score!" said Saix as he forgot about being mad at Axel.

---Radiant Garden---

"He's here! I can sense him Arxi!" said Pirixforo as he sensed Sora's life energy nearby.

"Yeah, let's get him!" said Arxidroc as the pair walked towards the hidden bar. They both had triumphant expressions on their faces. Just then, a man with spikey blond hair burst out of the doors followed by a woman with long brown hair. "I'll kill you Cloud!" yelled the woman.

"Take it easy Tifa! I can't help how I feel about her!" yelled Cloud as he continued to run away. The pair paid no mind to them and entered the bar where they saw Sora sitting, he had passed out on the table.

"Pathetic, how about we take him elsewhere and show him a little motivation?" questioned Arxidroc.

"Yeah, let's..." said Pirixforo as they dragged Sora out of the bar.

---The Dark Depths---

Sora awoke with a bad headache, he had way too much to drink. He proceeded to throw up right there, he couldn't take any more of this. He looked and saw that he had vomited on someone's shoes. "I just polished these!" said a man wearing a robe worn by members of Organization XIII. He had brown eyes and black hair.

"Don't worry, make him clean it!" said another man wearing a robe too. He had dark hair and blue eyes.

"Who are you guys?" asked Sora.

"I am Pirixforo, the Sky Tempest..." said Pirixforo dully as he continued to brood over his shoes.

"I am Arxidroc, the Enraged Brother..." said Arxidroc proudly as he stared at Sora.

"Whatever, what do you guys want?" asked Sora who was trying to get up, with much difficutly.

"Your life..." said Pirixforo with a wicked smile on his face.

"What, no way!" said Sora as his headache went away and he felt something in his hand. He looked and the keyblade was there! "NO FLIPPIN' WAY!" yelled Sora as he saw the keyblade in his hand! He swung it around, "It's real! Hell yeah!"

"Now that you have your weapon, allow us to begin our assault..." said Arxidroc as he brandished two swords.

To Be Continued...


	9. Chapter 9

Hello and welcome back! Thanks go out to those guys that have been reviewing my work and making me want to continue writing this series. Well, I'm keeping the ball rolling and sending you guys out another chapter. Oh and I don't own Kingdom Hearts 2...

Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack

Chapter 9: To The Winner Goes The Spoils

Roxas charged at Riku and swung his two keyblades down. Riku dodged left and went for Roxas's side. The nobody rolled out of the way and got up quickly. He then ran over to his opponent and began to attack with both keyblades. Riku blocked all of Roxas's attempts to hurt him. He was powerful and skilled yes, but he was too angry to use it properly.

"Just calm down and go home Roxas!" said Riku trying to talk some sense into his opponent.

"Just take me to where Naminé is and I'll go home!" said Roxas as he continued to try and attack Riku.

"I can't do that! She doesn't want to see you!" said Riku as he pushed forward knocking Roxas off balance. Riku then took the opportunity to knock Roxas down with a light attack to the head.

---Kairi's House---  
There was a knock on Kairi's door, she was home alone and was messing with her whips. She loved to check them and make sure that they'll cause just the exact amount of pain that she wanted it to cause her victims. Somewhere between returning to the island and some strange rape incident with one of the Organization XIII members made her turn to a life of bondage. She couldn't help but chain up guys and pleasure them against their will. There was a knock on the door...

"Who's there?" asked Kairi as she put down her whip.

"Pizza!" said a voice from outside that sounded vaguely familiar. That was strange, she hadn't ordered any pizza... She looked through the peephole where she saw Saix standing. She knew all to well who he was and decided not to open the door. Just then, two men grabbed her and pulled a sack over her head!

"Get her to the beach and let's find Sora, he won't resist coming once he knows we have his slutty little girlfriend..." said Saix as he moved out of the way for Demyx and Luxord to carry Kairi away.

"She's got some kinky whips..." said Marluxia as he pocketed one, "She won't miss it..."

"You gonna use that on me?" asked Axel as he appeared in the room.

"Maybe," giggled Marluxia.

"Both of you control yourselves before I set you straight!" said Saix.

"You can set me straight anytime you want," said Marluxia as he winked at Saix.

"You know what?" shouted Saix as his temper got out of control.

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb..." said Marluxia.

"Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow! Damn you!" said Saix as he calmed down.

---The Streets of Destiny Islands---

Roxas awoke on the cold cement floor of the street. He had obviously lost to Riku and all hope of finding Naminé with it. "Damn it! What did I ever do to deserve this?" cried Roxas now realizing that he would never see Nanimé again. He got up and remembered he had twenty bucks in his pocket and found himself near the corner where he could find Selphie. "Might as well..." said Roxas as he got up and walked over to the corner...

---The Dark Depths---

Sora blocked Arxidroc's attack and saw Pirixforo with a staff. Pirixforo attacked quickly while Sora was caught up trying to hold off Arxidroc. Sora moved to the right as Arxidroc stumbled forward. "Take this! Thunder!" shouted Sora as he cast a thunder spell. Arxidroc was the target, but Pirixforo intervened.

"Gotcha covered brother!" he said as he created a vortex with his staff. The electricity stopped when it made contact with the vortex. "How about I show you how to really use electricity?" said Pirixforo ominously as he pulled his staff apart and had two staffs. Each of them coated with electricity. He began to spin them both as thunder spells casted endlessly from the spinning staffs. Sora dodged quickly as he went for the source, but he was stopped by Arxidroc that had shot a fire spell. Sora wasn't going to be stopped so easily, he used his keyblade to block the fire spell and kept running towards Pirixforo. He attacked and Pirixforo merely blocked with his staffs as the electricity stopped.

"Smart kid, but how will you do against my real strength?" said Pirixforo with a smile on his face. There was a gust of wind and Sora was flung back. Arxidroc didn't waste a second and chased after Sora. Sora plunged his keyblade into the ground so that he would stop flying. He did, but Arxidroc was right there to give him his prize.

"Think fast!" yelled Sora as he tossed Arxidroc the keyblade.

"What the..." was all Arxidroc could say as he blocked the keyblade, but Sora came out from behind and tripped him. Before he could get up he took a brutal hit from the keyblade to the head. He was knocked out instantly after that.

"You managed to catch my brother off guard, impressive!" said Pirixforo as he began walk towards Sora.

"You're next!" said Sora arrogantly.

"This I have to see," said Pirixforo as he charged at Sora with his staff.

To Be Continued...


	10. Chapter 10

Hello all and welcome back. I decided to take a small break from the usual story and do something to have this story make a little more sense. Yes, welcome to the keyblade store! And I don't own Kingdom Hearts 2...Still don't and probably never will...

Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack

Chapter 10: The Keyblade Store!

The Keyblade Store!

Welcome to the Keyblade Store! For all of your keyblade maintenance needs! This is the only store that supplies every model of Keyblade that you could ever imagine! At all prices, with many payment plans so that you can get your keyblade the day you walk into our stores! We carry Crash's Keyblade Polish to clean your keyblade and Crash's Keyblade Wax to keep the shine on for weeks and weeks to come! Our operators are standing by to answer any questions you may have pertaining to the keyblade.

"Why won't my keyblade materialize?"

"Because you fail at life! Go bother someone else about it! We're not experts!"

"But the ad said that you could..." click

---

"Why does only half my keyblade materialize?"

"Because you, like everyone else, fails at life! Sides, we don't know anything about the keyblade..."

"But you guys are the experts or..." click

"Son of a..." click

"What, did you just..." click

"Stop..." click

---

"Do you guys have that Keyblade Polish?"

"No..."

"But the ad..."

"You know what? Screw what the ad says, you shouldn't believe everything you read..."

"But it's an ad...It's supposed to..." click

"Did you just hang up on me?"

"Yes..." click

---

"Do you guys have the Ultima Weapon keyblade?"

"Perhaps..."

"What do you mean perhaps? I thought you had them all!"

"We probably do...those ads are really sketchy..."

"Do you have it or not?"

"Let me check"

---5 Seconds Later---

"Nope..."

"What do you have?"

"Kingdom Keys and Kingdom Keys that Mickey has...oh and the Kingdom Key Special Edition! Oh, and the King Kingdom Key!"

"...So all you have is Kingdom Keys?"

"Yeah...pretty much..."

"You guys suck..."

"So does your mom!" click

To Be Continued...


	11. Chapter 11

Well folks, timeto get back on track, tie up some loose ends, and make a mess of things. The series is actually coming to a close. But dont' worry you guys, if Kingdom Hearts 3 is anything like KH2 i'll make a KH3 On Crack. I pulled off and espionage mission, but I failed to own Kingdom Hearts 2, which means still don't own Kingdom Hearts 2.

Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack

Episode 11: Brotherhood

Pirixforo charged at Sora with his staff as it clashed with his keyblade. Sora felt a gust push him back, but he resisted. Pirixforo's face lit up with hope, he finally found someone with the spirit to defeat him. "Thunder!" yelled Sora as electricity emerged from his keyblade.

"Wind Wheel..." said Pirixforo as he began to spin his staff. He absorbed the electricity like the time before, but then he did something different. "Thunder dance!" cried Pirixforo as the electricity went up into the sky. Sora looked up as bolts of electricity came down, missing by a mile. Then, Sora realized he was caged in a cell of electric bolts. He looked up and he saw the sky glow blue as one huge thunder bolt came down on him.

"He's fried..." said Pirixforo as he watched the smoke clear.

"Don't count your eggs before they hatch..." said Sora, he had the ability Second Chance equipped. "Heal," said Sora as he cast cure on himself.

"Kid, you're awesome..." said Pirixforo as he pointed his staff at Arxidroc's body. "Healing Wind..." Arxidroc began to stir and got up.

"What did I miss?" asked Arxidroc.

"The kid is really good. He survived a Thunder Dance..." said Pirixforo.

"No kidding? I guess we'll have to be especially hard on him..." said Arxidroc as he weilded his two swords. Arxidroc charged and surrounded his swords with fire. Sora was ready and blocked with his keyblade. Arxidroc backed away and cast a fire spell. Sora blocked as Arxidroc fired up his fire powers and his blades became fire. "Hell's Fury!" cried Arxidroc as he charged at Sora. Sora felt like this guy was wasting his time, but when their blades clashed Sora felt extreme heat. His blades were too close, he had to back away. Pirixforo stopped watching and got in on the action. They were both hammering away at Sora.

"How about a tagteam move for old times sake?" asked Arxidroc.

"Sure..." said Pirixforo as he held up his staff.

"Blazing Inferno!" cried Arxidroc, there was a huge eruption of fire from his body.

"Winds of Chaos!" said Pirixforo as a huge tornado appeared.

"Brotherhood!" cried Arxidroc and Pirixforo in unison. The tornado and the fire combined to create six tornadoes of fire. Sora watched the attack calmly, he had a trump card that would weasel him out of this one. As the attack approached he decided to make his move...

"Reflega!" shouted Sora as a wall of defense appeared before him. The tornadoes hit the wall and reflected back to their original casters.

"No way!" cried Arxidroc and Pirixforo in unison as their own attack hit them.

"Get up from that!" yelled Sora as he looked over to where they were. They were still standing but they were vanishing.

"You're really good kid..." said Pirixforo with a shallow voice.

"It's been a while since we've had an opponent this good..." said Arxidroc.

"Take this kid..." said Pirixforo.

"It's the greatest gift we have to give..." said Arxidroc as both of them fired a ball of energy at Sora.

"You need the power of a true brother to activate that..." said Pirixforo.

"Use it well..." said Arxidroc as they both vanished into nothingness. Sora felt different and noticed that they had given him new powers. He checked his status screen and saw that he had a new drive: Brotherhood. "A true brother huh? I know just the guy..." said Sora as he ran back to town.

---Destiny Islands---

"I took care of Roxas, you don't have to worry about him anymore..." said Riku as he stroked Naminé's face.

"Thank you Riku," said Naminé as she kissed Riku. Riku then felt strange, like he was being called to join a party. He felt dizzy and eventually passed out. He woke up and found himself in Radiant Garden.

"Hey Riku, what's up?" said a voice familar to him.

"Sora?" said Riku as he looked around and noticed Sora was standing beside him.

"I need your help..." said Sora.

"I told you Sora, I'm not gonna help you get into anymore Rum Paries ok?" said Riku with a stern tone.

"Even though that would be nice to go to a Rum Party again... I got some new powers and I need a true brother to activate them..." said Sora.

"Really? Let's see then..." said Riku as he walked over to Sora. Just then, Sora noticed more members of Organization XIII.

"What are they doing here?" asked Sora, he though the rest of them were destroyed.

"We have something you might be interested in..." said Saix as he revealed Kairi.

"Oh sweet! Thanks for kidnapping her! Now don't bring her back this time!" said Sora.

"Uhh..." said Saix stupefied.

"Sora you bastard! Come and rescue me or when I get loose you'll get the biggest pleasuring of your life you hear me?" said Kairi.

"Shit..." said Sora, he knew better than to disobey Kairi when she threatened about giving him pleasure because she hasn't gone back on her word yet.

"Well then, follow this portal to our lair and try to get her back!" laughed Saix as he vanished into the portal.

"I guess we have no choice..." said Sora.

"We? What we? When did we start speaking french? It's you that's going by yourself!" said Riku.

"C'mon Riku! I still need help activating my new powers!" said Sora.

"Fine, I'll help you out...but I don't wanna be there when Kairi gets a hold of your ass..." said Riku as they both went into the portal.

To Be Continued...


	12. Chapter 12

Hello everyone! It's all gonna keep getting better and better until the end! Next up are some fights that we've been itching to see...sort of... Enjoy folks! I don't own any of the Saw movies, God of War, ...and I still don't own Kingdom Hearts 2...well...there's still some time...

Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack

Chapter 12: Return to The World That Never Was

Sora and Riku emerged from the portal and found themselves in a part of The World That Never Was that they hadn't been to before. There was a small tower in front of them and they could see the castle towering over the city from far off. They both looked at each other and nodded, they entered the tower.

"Wow, I get these two handsomes to myself..." said a voice from behind them. They turned around and there was Marluxia.

"Don't get any funny ideas or we'll kill you..." said Sora as he made his keyblade appear.

"Yeah..." agreed Riku as he materialized his own keyblade.

"Keyblades! How do you guys like mine?" said Marluxia as he made his own keyblade form. "The catalog calls it Rainbow Pride!" The keyblade was decorated with petals from beautiful pink flowers unknown to either of them. It also had random hearts placed around the keyblade.

"How the hell did you get a keyblade!" bellowed Sora.

"Easy, the keyblade store of course!" giggled Marluxia as he began to attack the two with his own keyblade. Marluxia fought with grace as he moved around quickly and with dance-like motion. Riku couldn't hit him no matter how hard he tried and was penalized with a smack from Marluxia's flowers.

"How can we beat this guy?" cursed Riku.

"My new powers..." said Sora as he looked at Riku, "I have to use the new drive that those two gave me. But I need a true brother, so I need to combine with you..."

"Ok..." agreed Riku as he held out his hand. Riku vanished and Sora felt his power flow through him. He felt a warm fire inside him and a cool gust blow around him. He looked at himself and saw his clothes had become red and green. He held two keyblades, one was decorated with shapes that represented wind and the other with shapes that represented fire.

"Where'd the really sexy one go?" pouted Marluxia.

"Hey! Aren't I sexy enough for you?" said Sora, he stopped...Did he really say that?

"Feisty! I like it when a man takes command!" said Marluxia as he winked at Sora.

"Really? Then like this..." said Sora as he charged at Marluxia and slashed down. There was a swirl of fire and wind energies. His opponent groaned and dropped his keyblade.

"My hair! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!" cried Marluxia as he picked up his keyblade and charged at Sora. Sora was immideately thrown into the defense when Marluxia went into a blind rage. Tears were streaming down Marluxia's face, did his hair really mean that much to him?

"Take it easy!" bellowed Sora as he stepped to the left quickly and hit Marluxia in the back of the neck. He passed out and Sora took a breather, the transormation was taking a lot out of him. Then, he reverted, he forgot that he needed to level it up more so that he could stay in it longer. Riku appeared and they both stared at a newly formed portal that appeared before them. "Let's go..." said Sora as he walked through it and Riku followed. They appeared in a larger chamber. Then, a chair came up from behind both of them and something tripped them. They sat down and were shackled to the chairs.

"Welcome...We're gonna play a game!" said Luxord as he appeared before them. He shuffled his deck carefully and stared at the pair.

"What're you gonna do to us? And please don't say you're going to rape us!" begged Sora.

"Oh no! I don't roll like that! Marluxia's gay ass does, but not me..." retorted Luxord as he dropped the deck, "52 card pick up anyone?"

"So, what do you want us to do?" asked Riku.

"You're strapped into chairs which have buckets above them full of acid... The only way you can get out is if one of you uses the key to get out of the chair. The only downside is, the key activates the other chair's bucket. You have sixty seconds to reach the key and make your choice as to who's gonna live, or you both die," finished Luxord sinsterly.

"Damn...he's a genius..." said Sora as he sat there in disbelief.

"Hell yeah! Have you ever considered becoming an Overlord?" asked Riku.

"Actually, I've always wanted to be a dealer in Las Vegas! But that's beside the point! You guys have sixty seconds starting now!" bellowed Luxord. The key fell from Luxord's hand into a spot where both of them could reach easily.

"Who's gonna leave here alive?" asked Riku.

"You go Riku, I have nothing to live for..." said Sora.

"Okay!" said Riku happily as he grabbed the key for himself.

"What? You'd just let me die!" bellowed Sora angrilly.

"Sorry, but you said you have nothing left to live for. So naturally I felt that I had to save my own life..." said Riku as he stared at Sora.

"Oh, you sack..." said Sora as he looked down.

"Twenty seconds!" bellowed Luxord to make sure they heard.

"Wait a second, doesn't the Keyblade open any lock?" asked Riku with a smile on his face.

"By the Gods! You're right!" said Sora as he made his Keyblade materialize. He hit the lock on his chair as Riku opened his own with the key. They both got out of their chairs as acid dumped on both of their empty seats.

"Holy shit...wasn't expecting that..." said Luxord stupefied.

"Good call Riku," said Sora as he gave him a thumbs up.  
"Well, let's take care of this guy..." said Riku as he made his keyblade form.

"Yeah..." said Sora as he gripped his own keyblade.

"Two can play at that game!" said Luxord as he shuffled his cards quickly and made a keyblade form in his hands. It was a silver keyblade that looked like it was made from poker chips and cards. "The catalog calls it The Gambler's Spirit," said Luxord as he waved it around.

"Where the hell are people getting all these keyblades from!" bellowed Sora in a fury. It just didn't make sense, he was the keyblade master so why did all these other people have a keyblade?

"You ready? Because we're going to play a game!" said Luxord as he made huge cards form around them.

To Be Continued...


	13. Chapter 13

Hello all and welcome back to another chapter of Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack! Well folks, I'm sad to say that this series has only this chapter and the next. I know, sad ain't it? But I guess all good things have to end sometime no? Well, enjoy this chapter that I have written for your reading pleasure. Oh, and it was an armed war... My minions versus the minions of those guys that own Kingdom Hearts 2. I don't own it yet, but it's just a matter of time. So...I don't own Kingdom Hearts 2.

Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack

Chapter 13: Games and Rock Concerts

Luxord charged at Sora and Riku with his keyblade, but before he struck, cards appeared from nowhere and sheilded him. The pair attacked the cards, but they did no damage. Sora felt a sharp pain in his back and fell to the ground. Luxord had somehow appeared behind him. "What's wrong Sora? This game too hard for you?" said Luxord with a smile on his face. Riku charged, but stopped when dice hit his face and stomach. Then, he felt something club him in the stomach. "I thought you all were stronger than this!" laughed Luxord.

"We have to find a way around this guy's games..." said Sora as he got up.

"Yeah..." said Riku as he got up as well.

"We're gonna play a game..." said Luxord as his cards encircled Sora and Riku. "The both of you are strapped to torture chambers that'll pull on your bodies until they tear in half. You can escape at anytime, but if you do the other will die. If you both decide to leave at the same time, then it'll activate a trap that'll kill Kairi!" Luxord laughed a sinister laugh that evil geniuses laugh when they've gone insane.

"Man...this guy is good!" said Sora.

"Hell yeah, can I be one of your evil henchmen?" asked Riku.

"Sure, if you live that is! You guys have a minute before you start to feel pain and ninety seconds before it kills you..." said Luxord as he stood back and watched.

"Which one of us should live?" asked Riku.

"I dunno, maybe we should just both get out!" said Sora.

"But Kairi..." said Riku as he stopped. They both stared at each other and started to laugh.

"Good one Riku! Let's get out of here!" said Sora as they both freed themselves. Luxord stared on with his mouth hanging open.

"Holy shit...wasn't expecting that..." said Luxord as he stared at the both of them.

"There was no trap to kill Kairi was there?" asked Riku.

"No..." said Luxord as he stared at them guiltily.

"I thought as much..." said Sora as the both of them impaled Luxord. He vanished and the both of them heard a familiar noise. It was the sound of a guitar, and a very annoying guitar as that.

"It's...Demyx..." said Sora as he looked up and saw Demyx come down from the roof.

"That's my name!" said Demyx as he landed. He held up his Sitar and began to play it. Water forms began appearing, they began to surround Sora and Riku. "Rock water rock!" The forms became aggressive and began to attack the pair. They destroyed form after form, but they just kept on coming. "How about a ten second rule?" said Demyx as he began to play a heavy tune.

"Not that ten second shit!" shouted Sora.

"Ten seconds?" said Riku with a confused look on his face.

"Rock water rock!" bellowed Demyx as he played a heavy tune. Twenty forms appeared and a timer appeared in the corner of the screen.

"We have ten seconds to destroy the twenty forms...or else..." said Sora as they both began to attack the forms. They had a second left when they destroyed the last of the twenty forms.

"Rock water rock!" cried Demyx as he made another twenty forms appear.

"We don't have time for this!" bellowed Riku as they destroyed the forms and then went straight for the source. Demyx was ready and blocked with his sitar.

"Are you ready?" said Demyx as he began to play an even heavier tune. "This is the end for you guys..." said Demyx as he smiled. There were over a hundred forms in the room and they were all coming back to their master.

"We don't think so..." said Sora and Riku in unison. They both attacked once more and broke Demyx's Sitar in half.

"Aww man!" yelled Demyx as he held the pieces of his broken guitar.

"Now for the finale," said both Sora and Riku as they impaled Demyx. He felt really strange, being impaled by two very blunt objects. He vanished back into nothingness, when another portal appeared in front of them.

"Let's take out Saix and finish this..." said Sora.

"Do we really want to save Kairi?" asked Riku.

"If we don't, she's gonna rape me..." said Sora as he looked down.

"Well, that's your problem..." said Riku.

"Come on Riku! You're my best friend! Help me out!" shouted Sora, he didn't want to get raped by Kairi.

"Fine, but only cuz I have to see what happens once Kairi is free..." said Riku as the both of them went through the portal.

To Be Continued...


	14. Chapter 14

Hello all and today is a sad day. Yes, this is the day we read the final chapter to Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack. It's been great, writing the series and reading your comments. I hope you guys enjoyed this series just as much as I enjoyed writing it. My army failed...we don't own Kingdom Hearts 2 and I guess I never will... Well in any case, I don't own Kingdom Hearts 2.

Kingdom Hearts 2 On Crack  
Chapter 14: All's Well That Ends Well Right? Right?

Sora and Riku finally arrived at the room at the top of the tower. Surely enough there was Saix with his prisoner Kairi waiting for them. "So you have defeated the lesser members of the Organization. No matter," said Saix as he smiled.

"Let Kairi go and we'll go easy on you!" said Sora as he held up his keyblade.

"I don't think so, I'll make you pay for humiliating the Organization!" said Saix as he was surrounded by a red aura.

"Two words for you dude! Anger management!" said Riku as he made his keyblade form.

"Shut up! They weren't any help!" said Saix as he made his Claymore appear in his hand.

"Oh really? They didn't teach you how to count to ten and stuff?" asked Sora as he charged. Sora clashed with Saix as he forced Sora back violently. Riku then charged, but stopped right before he reached Saix. Sora then came out of nowhere and hit Saix in the face. The aura surrounding Saix became more furious.

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb…" said a familiar voice.

"Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow! Damn you Axel!" cried Saix as he calmed down and looked up. Axel was standing on one of the beams at the highest point of the tower. He had a smirk on his face as he stood there.

"Axel? What're you doing here?" asked Sora.

"Nothing much, this is a place where me and the Organization used to hang out and have our orgies…" said Axel.

"Oh that's some sick shit right there!" said Riku.

"Yeah, Marluxia was an animal..." said Axel as he smiled dreamily. Sora and Riku stared at him in disgust; they had always known there was something wrong with Axel.

"Shut up! Just shut up or the slutty whore dies!" bellowed Saix. Sora and Kairi looked at each other.

"Help me Sora!" she cried as he tried to wiggle herself out of the ropes that binded her. Sora held up his keyblade and charged at Saix who was ready for the charge. He stepped to the left and tripped Sora. Riku who had been on standby helped Sora regain his balance quickly.

"Riku, let's use Brotherhood!" said Sora as he checked his watch, his Drive meter was at max.

"Okay," said Riku as he held Sora's hand. Riku vanished and Sora was standing there with his red and green attire once more. Holding a keyblade of fire and a keyblade of wind he created a tornado of fire.

"So we're gonna up the power? How about I do too?" bellowed Saix as he released all of his pent up rage. Anger that he felt towards every living creature, every thing that had made him mad, DDR that had caused him so much frustration, assembly instructions that never made sense, hookers that never gave it to him quite right, just everything that made the average guy mad.

"Father! You're gonna destroy us all! You have to stop!" said Axel as he laughed out loud.

"You, shut up!" said Saix as he tossed his Claymore at Axel. Axel, who didn't notice was hit by it and almost killed by the impact. Marluxia came out of nowhere to claim his body, but we're moving on now!

Sora took this final opportunity to perform a combo on Saix and end the match. His HP had suffered drastically in his attempts to increase his power. Sora hit him once, twice, a third time, a fourth, and finally his combo finisher which was the very technique of brothers: Brotherhood. Six tornadoes of fire emerged from the keyblade as Saix blocked with something that wasn't his claymore. It was a red keyblade! "What the hell!" bellowed Sora, he seriously wanted to know why the hell everyone had a keyblade.

"The catalog calls it Pent-up Fury, it protects me against Fire, Ice, Thunder, and Wind magic!" said Saix with a smile on his face.

"How about flowers?" said Kairi as he made her own keyblade appear and destroyed Saix with a finishing blow.

"FLUKENHEIMEN!" yelled Saix as he vanished into nothingness.

"I ended up having to rescue you Sora! So you're mine!" said Kairi with a smile. Sora and Riku separated once more.

"No! I don't want that!" said Sora as the tower around them vanished and the world went black. Suddenly Sora was with Riku in a room they recognized. They were back on the Disney err Destiny Islands.

"We're home!" said Sora as he jumped up.  
-----  
Well folks, the story ends on a good note. Kairi was nowhere to be found in the end. In reality she ended up in kingdom hearts somehow. No one quite knows how… "Hello? Is anyone there?" said Kairi slowly.

Naminé met up with the Riku Replica from Chain of Memories and mistook that for the real Riku. Those two lived happily ever after like they would've if it was the real Riku.

Roxas ended up marrying Selphie in the end. Selphie decided that being a slut wasn't for her anymore and that she would try to love for real.

Marluxia claimed Axel's body and those two lived happily ever after... Together... In the same bed... Yeah, moving on now...

-----

"No vodka for me this time, just ice water please!" said Sora as the bartender pulled out a gun and pointed it at Sora's head.

"Who are you and what have you done with Sora?" he asked as he held the gun up menacingly.

"He's Sora alright, he's just a changed man!" said Riku, "Like me! No more drugdealing!" The bartender pulled out a sack and pulled it over the two's heads.

"You two impostors are gonna get what you deserve! He tossed him into a room and yelled, "They're all yours..." The two managed to get the sack off, but only to be greeted by something very familiar.

"Kairi?" said Sora as he looked up.

"You got it!" she said as she smiled, which quickly turned into an evil one.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" was the last thing that was heard from them...

The End


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